currently listening to: three by Britney Spears.
i have this syndrome, or problem, or disease, or illness whatever you want to call it; i have kaleidoscopic perspective on things. you know you have this whatever-you-want-to-call-it when you think of something and you have lots of idea storming into your brain, be it regarding the issue or not. and you have bits and pieces of EVERYTHING, but you have not fully addressed ANYTHING. you can think of LOTS of things, but you can't connect SOMETHING.
so yeah, the whatever-you-want-to-call-it may sound cool - kaleidoscopic, like, really? LOL - but if you are one, you'll know how it feels to be me.
why do i even bother about this stuff? i should be grateful that i can even think instead of someone who's struggling to spell words or do simple maths right? but think again. this whatever-you-want-to-call-it have been affecting my study for eternity! well, not in primary school and high school obviously, this country's syllabus would be perfectly delighted to give an outstanding A1 to people who can memorize like a machine, and can come up with bombastic words in their essay when the usage is not even appropriate in the context and blabla you just name it (oh sorry didn't mean to be harsh but it's the reality right? we're exam oriented students, just accept it)
but my essays marked by an American teacher during my pre-U sucks. HAHA i admit it because lots of teachers, even my economics teacher told me that there's no flow in my paper works. eventhough let me tell you something, i didn't even know where i get it wrong, because you see, my mind doesn't work like normal people do. but i've accepted the fact because lots of professionals (in their area; teaching) have pointed this problem out to me.
and yesterday this one lecturer (who i liked so much and i know, she likes me too because i was kinda participative in class LOL) hand this assignment back to us. by the way, she's not local, either. i took a whole day to finish that assignment, which i admit is my bad since i should have spent more time on it. but really, she gave us general comments that went more or less like this:
"i appreciate that some of you took the effort to show graphs and tables, figures to illustrate your argument. but i'm the kind of lecturer who appreciate coherent thinking and love to read a flow of argument. there's some paper which i read, very informative, but when i finished reading it, there was no impression because it is not connected. i'd prefer broken or simple English that helps me to understand the argument better than not having connection between paragraphs.........."
and all the while she only stole glances at me when usually there's more eye contact between us during tutorials. *SIGH* couldn't it be more obvious that she's talking about me????
okay but really i did say things like, "from the customers point of view, from the workers point of view, blabla" but maybe i didn't write it clear enough. i don't know.
i expected better grade for that assignment but let's be grateful shall we.
i didn't even stay after class to ask her about my essay because i'm pretty sure she told the class everything she wanted to express to me. LOL
p/s: i still like her, though. it's not her fault that i can't write properly. oh, and this one, credit to my lovely
Petto for implicitly helping me get past this awful, sad experience of realizing that i have this whatever-you-want-to-call-it.
